Kickin' Grass

"Learn a lesson from your dog- no matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that shit and move on." ~ Unknown

Imagine that you have an infection, and the only oral medications on the market that can help you fight off that infection are Levofloxacin and Ciprofloxacin. Now, imagine being told that those medications will not work for you. How do you feel?

That is what my doctor's nurse told me on the phone today. She mentioned that the next time I get hit with a Cystic Fibrosis lung infection, the only thing that could help me are a combination of several intravenous medications. Not what I wanted to hear while this cold of mine is working hard to spread to my lungs.

I've had many peripheral lines put in my arm, a port, and hospitalizations; it doesn't get any easier over time. I never want to be the "sick girl." I feel that I'm capable of much more than a title like that implies. A feeling that "I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for."

Unfortunately, I'm not feeling my best today. My body aches, I feel hot/cold/feverish, and I can't stop coughing. All the coughing is causing me to throw up frequently, which is great fun. At this time, all I keep thinking is that it's not time for my body to just surrender - to go on IV antibiotics, or spend time in the hospital.

Cystic Fibrosis is like living with the flu every day. What did you feel like the last time you had a really bad flu? That is my everyday. After living with me for several years, my old college roommate and best friend, Christina, used that flu analogy after seeing what my everyday health regimen truly looked like. I've often used that analogy when speaking publicly about Cystic Fibrosis. The bare definition of the disease is sometimes insufficient to explain what living with the disease is like, and just how aggressive CF is in its quest to slowly destroy the body from the inside. Constant congestion, coughing, tissues, fevers, throwing up, digestive issues, body aches, and the inability to breathe clearly are only the basic symptoms.

I have so much that I want to do in the coming months, and I don't want to sit on the sidelines. I have the Great Strides walk that I so desperately want to attend, a public speaking engagement to spread awareness about CF, yoga classes to enjoy, makeup lessons that I want to teach, getting together with friends, and so much more. They sound simple enough, these little moments that I don't want CF to take away from me. So, it's hard to hear when a nurse tells you that no oral antibiotics will help you. There are no easy answers to Cystic Fibrosis - I get it. I'm trying my hardest to fight this with the limited resources I have. I am surrounded by lots of water, peppermint tea, vitamins, tissues, enzymes, and my daily medications, all while attempting hardcore airway clearance. Wishing the mucus waterfall would end. Just waiting for that magic pill.